SkySimFlight
Pilot Area => The Chat Room => Topic started by: Glenn on March 07, 2011, 17:16:46
-
Its Back..... :D
Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle. It's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
— Captain Rex Kramer, in the movie 'Airplane.'
-
What is that mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds?
-
Aviation Dictionary
Airspeed: Speed of an airplane. Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy pilot.
Bank: The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.
Cone of Confusion: An area about the size of New Jersey, located near the final approach beacon at an airport.
Crab: The squadron Ops Officer.
Dead Reckoning: You reckon correctly, or you are.
Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.
Firewall: Section of the aircraft specially designed to let heat and smoke enter the cockpit.
Glide Distance: Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Hydroplane: An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway.
IFR: A method of flying by needle and ripcord.
Lean Mixture: Nonalcoholic beer
Nanosecond: Time delay built into the stall warning system.
Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
Range: Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.
Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy's promotion party.
Roger: Used when you're not sure what else to say.
Service Ceiling: Altitude at which cabin crews can serve drinks.
Spoilers: The Federal Aviation Administration.
Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why you car payment is late.
-
-Arguing with a pilot is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, after a while you begin to think the pig likes it-
Glenn.
-
"How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now."
Dwight D. Eisenhower
-
Don't worry about Flight Schedules. Your never late until your not there on time. )pty1
-
Aeronautics is neither industry nor science, it is a miracle-Igor Sikorsky
-
The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, "Opps"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"
-
If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn them back off.
-
The only 3 things a copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing sir.
2. I'll buy the first round
3. I'll take the ugly one
-
A stockbroker urged Ted to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. Ted told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas." ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
`I love summer in Ireland....it's my favorite day of the year` :)
Glenn.
-
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
-
For example, how did we succeed in building flying machines? By imitating the flapping action of winged animals? No! We did it with fixed wings and propellers. Later with jet engines. It may not be how nature did it, but it works --- and does so far better than flapping wings.
Jeff Hawkins (inventor of Palm Pilot and Treo)
in his book "Intelligence on" (a great book and must read to all interested how our brain functions)
-
Marriage is like a deck of cards
In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond,
by the end you will wish you had a club and a spade.
Glenn.
-
No matter where you go, there you are.
Carey
-
That joke was what we call a medium one!
You mean a medium joke... ??
Yes, it wasn't rare and for sure it wasn't well done....
-
Teamwork: A chance to blame someone else.
Ambrose Bierce
-
"when in doubt c4"
-
Push the head, pull the tail (ADF tracking)
-
“When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for an year and a half!”
Gracie Allen
-
Written on Spike Milligans headstone "I told you I was ill"
-
Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.
Glenn.
-
So there I was....Deep in the Bush!!!!
Ron Jeremy
-
The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
- David Richerby
-
One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces.
Pink Floyd "animals" <=== sorry to correct you that was Echoes (Chas)
-
Never wake a sleeping woman.............. because then she will be awake.
Glenn.
-
God made man, but Sam Colt made them equal.
-
" I've killed women, I've killed children, I've killed everthing that walks or crawls at one time or another, and now I'm here to kill you little bill."
William Money (Clint Eastwood)
The Unforgiven
-
;D
-
Some days you get the elevator, and some days you get the shaft...
-
The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival.
Small angle of arrival, large probability of survival. Large angle of arrival, not so much...
Ask Lancky :laugh: :laugh:
-
I'll say nothing.... ;D ;D
-
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Glenn.
-
MALE v FEMALE AT THE CASH MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1... Drive up to the cash machine.
2. LOWER your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Raise window.
7. Drive off.
************************* ******
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN .
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on mobile phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Hand Brake.